Do you always give applause to your children? Or do you always blame them? I think most of Chinese parents seldom give their children applause. Why? Because our traditional thinking is we should be humble, doing well is our duty, and nothing deserves to be praised.

In the National Geographic channel there was a TV program with the title “Dog is the best friend of human being.” In this program, the dog trainer Jane showed us many trained and gentle dogs accompany and even take care of the old people in the nursing homes. The host of the show asked Jane a question: “How do you train your dogs? They are so gentle.” Jane said: “Why am I successful? Because I like encouragement instead of punishment; if punishment is useful, there won’t be any bad behavior any more.”

Yes, if parents don’t care what the good things that their children do, and only care the bad things, bad grade, or if their kids are too noisy or too naughty, children will become flinch and look down themselves. They will make more trouble to attract parents’ attention. So, the more negative side you give, the worse the situation will be.

When I was a child, I always received criticism. I was a shy and nervous girl. When my parents’ friends came to our home, I always dodged and became silent. My parents were angry at me very often, and they said to me: “Are you deaf and mute? Why don’t you say hello to uncle and aunt?” I was hurt a lot by that, so, in my teen-age, I really thought I was a mute, and became more silent.

Experts said: “Children will grow in what parents expect.” If you want your children to be diligent, you should give applause while they clean their bedroom or do the housework. When children receive your applause, they are encouraged to do more good things, and will do it better and better.

Therefore, my dear friends, I suggest you to give your children more applause and I want to give some skills about how to give a proper praise to children. There are 3 Ws and 1 A. (When, Where, What, Avoid)

1. When: Give praise at once.
When they do a good job, you can say some words to cheer them up, or just give a hug. It is a source of comfort and confidence (faith).
This is a bad example: “Hi! Jimmy, you got 100 in your English test last month, now, I give you 1000 dollars.” It’s too late to say that. So, although you are very busy, you should give applause immediately.

2. Where: Give applause in public.
Praise the good behavior in front of their friends or brothers and sisters. It can make a good example for each other, and can be imitated by other children.

3. What: The contents should be specific.
Don’t just say: “You are my good son.” “You are so great.” “You are wonderful.” It’s not enough. You should say it clearly like this: “Hey, you are so great to help me to do the dishes!” “You did a wonderful homework!”

4. Avoid: Avoid speaking insincerely or over the facts.
You need to praise properly, don’t overshoot the truth. Otherwise, children will be arrogant and look down on everything.

Be sincere in praising your children, and give them applause in the right time and right place. I promise they will achieve what you are expecting.