I have only met her in person once, over coffee with three other classmates from our philosophy class. We talked about life, about what is meaningful to us. She shared with us her experience in Alcoholics Anonymous, how it was a metamorphic period in her life. She didn’t tell us exactly how she’s changed, but from her sincerity and openness about the subject, we knew that she treasured AA and her new self. I appreciated her, now being able to understand why her opinions always seemed so humanistic during class discussions. It’s strange how difficult it is to comprehend one another without reason—reason behind others’ appearance, reason behind others’ actions, reason behind why we are so distant from each other. That night we sat in that café at the foot of a hill and I thought about how I don’t really know her.

　　I thought I heard her choke and I when I turned to the corner of the room, I saw tears streaming down her pretty face. A silence struck like lightning over the class and I felt a jolt in my heart. It was a discussion over a book by Denis Johnson, and from what I recollect, the topic was on whether drug addiction is an excusable behavior. I knew why she cried and I felt ashamed that I also believed that drug usage is inexcusable. I understood at that moment that, with her AA background, she would undoubtedly react strongly to any such talk of others being inexcusable for what they do when we are ignorant to the reasons behind these acts. I felt ashamed that I unknowingly betrayed her.

　　 After class she was still sitting in her seat between two students. She was talking to the one to her left, explaining herself when I walked up between them. I touched her arm and rubbed her back as I listened, filled with compassion. I’m sorry I was so insensitive, I thought. I should have considered what you have gone through and your feelings. Each stroke of my hand on her back was shame, empathy, compassion, love, kindness…

　　She looked up at me. I don’t even know if she finished her conversation with the other student. She smiled and it was as if she was thanking me. I was so consumed in my own emotions that I was surprised to receive a response. I smiled at her I thought I felt a light between us so bright my pupils could not capture.

　　 It was surreal. She lifted her arms and at that moment she turned into a child, a babe. I bent, wrapping my arms around her.

Time suspended. The air tingled and the sun light danced.

She held on to me and all unnecessary awkwardness in human interactions dropped.

I love you. Every pore of my body was bursting love. This love, this love… greater than my body.

We were two but we were one.

This love, brighter and clearer than any light.

I love you.

That day, I have never been so happy to be alive.